Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
