He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
