I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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