i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
