just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
