Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
