I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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