i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
