Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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