Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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