i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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