If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
