She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
