Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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