I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
