im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
