I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
