it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
