Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
