yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
