I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
