Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
