Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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