I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Success! We fucked roommates!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
