Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
