Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
