I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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