i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
