So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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