I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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