I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
