My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
