is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
