my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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