Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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