I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
