Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
