ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
