Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
