Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
