Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
