dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
