Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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