i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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