Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just google imaged poop.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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