I puked a lego.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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