Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Randomize
