Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
