There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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