Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
