This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
