and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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