walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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