Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
