Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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