we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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