The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
