i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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