Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
