...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
