i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
