And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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